Packaging Instructions

Hominids learned to think some 50 - 80,000 years ago. In case you needed any further proof that the human race is now doomed to extinction through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions found on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdrier:

"Do not use while sleeping." (but that's the only time I have spare)!

On a bag of Fritos:

"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (a special offer for shoplifters, perhaps?)!

On a bar of Dial soap:

"Directions: Use like regular soap." (and how would that be?)!

On some Swanson frozen dinners:

"Serving suggestion: Defrost" (of course, it is only a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert, printed on the bottom:

"Do not turn upside down" (oh dear, oh dear ...)!

On Marks & Spencer bread pudding:

"Product will be hot after heating." (well, well, well)!

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

"Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save so much more time?)!

On Boots' Children's Cough Medicine:

"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (Indeed, we could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head colds off the forklift trucks)!

On Nytol Sleep Aid:

"Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and I'm taking this because ......?)!

On most brands of Christmas lights:

"For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to ....?)!

On a Japanese food processor:

"Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there please help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)!

On Sainsbury's peanuts:

"Warning: contains nuts." (well, I never)!

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (how about: Open packet, eat nuts, fly Delta - got more of a jingle to it?)!

On a child's superman costume:

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (Really? Perhaps I can get a refund)!